By Jenna Gersie
Russell was a black Buddha of a man, in flip-flops, a cowboy hat, and a T-shirt printed with Aboriginal art, tucked in to hold his joyous belly. His laugh was rich, frequent, and addictive. I was drawn to him immediately, for his wisdom and his love.
The first night my group of friends went camping with him on the edges of the rainforest in Northeast Queensland, creek gurgling behind wet trees and snakes sliding across the mud-red ground, Russell told us he would give each of us our own Aboriginal name. He would give the names to us as they came to him: our own totems that arrived in the dreaming.
I was the first to receive my name. The sun had set and it got dark quickly in these woods. Russell sat in his camping chair, acoustic guitar leaning against the side, his face lit by lantern-light, and called me over. “I know your name,” he told me.
He gave me the name Guyibera, the bush stone curlew, a long-legged, long-necked, terrestrial bird that stands about 20 inches tall. The bird has brown and white mottled feathers and is streaked with grey, and unlike the curlews with long, curved beaks found on our continent, this bird has a short, straight beak. Its large, inquisitive but cautious eyes are useful when it hunts; a nocturnal bird, it stalks shorelines and shrubs beneath starry skies, looking for small frogs, spiders, and snakes. The bird walks slowly, carefully. It keeps to the edges of a crowd, like I do, watching and listening, rarely interacting. It is often solitary both in hunting and in day-time sleeping, though the birds are frequently found in pairs on moonlit nights.
He told me that the curlew is known for its cries at night. “Do you cry often?” he asked me.
“Sometimes,” I shyly said, looking away.
I did not tell him that I cry about my father’s passing, a death so young, at the age of 45, that it can be considered nothing but cruel. I did not tell him that I cry because soon, my mother will be living alone. I did not tell him that I cried because my brother asked me, at his first college visit, “Jenn? Do you think I’m attractive?” I did not tell him that I cried because my best friend’s father made a pass at her.
I did not tell him that I cried when I swam my best time in the 100 yard butterfly during my first college meet when I was 19. I did not tell him that I cry when other people cry, that I cry after I orgasm and that I cry when I don’t. I did not tell him that I cry because life can be so beautiful that it breaks my heart, wondering what my place in it is. I did not tell him that I was on the verge of tears right this moment because this man, who I had met less than 12 hours ago, knew me so well.
Later in the week, Russell told us a dreamtime story about the curlews. Long ago, in the dreamtime, a nesting pair of curlews left their nest to quickly collect water from the stream, and the Owl, who was watching from his cave, sent his pet dingo to the nest. The dingo gratefully pillaged the nest, killing the two baby curlews for his feast. When the curlews returned to find their children gone, the father ran to the Owl’s cave, where he first killed the dingo and then warned the Owl never to show his face in the light of day again. Since then, the curlews mourn their loss each night, and the Owl stays in the cover of darkness.
The first time I heard the curlews cry, I was sitting on the back porch of a friend’s house, my legs dangling over the side into the night. There were stars and spiders and frog song. It was a darkness that was warm and soft, and I stared out toward the forest and the sky. Then I heard a long, haunting, whistle-like wail. “Those are the curlews,” my friend told me, and I listened, enchanted. The curlews cried for hours. I heard them when I went to sleep that night, and though the sound was akin to that of a ghost or someone mourning the dead, I felt comforted by their calls. These were ancient birds of the dreamtime, birds who knew how to grieve but kept living despite their sadness, surviving in the darkness. These were birds that I knew, birds that I understood.
Once, walking along the shore one evening at dusk, small waves that snuck past the barrier reef lapping at sea grasses, I came upon a curlew. We both froze, separated by only a few feet. I looked into its large eyes for several moments before it darted away into the shadows. It wasn’t long before I heard it crying in the distance. I could almost cry now, remembering: the fruit bats overhead, the salty smell of jelly-fish filled water, the warm breeze brought from the east, and the curlew, a bird burdened with the fate of crying for the rest of its life at all the joys and sadnesses in the world. Russell had been right: he knew my name.